People Pleasing, Calvinism, and Praying More | Q&A

Are you a Calvinist? How do you overcome people-pleasing? Do you ever struggle with anger? I’m answering these questions and more in today’s episode!

Access the show notes here: https://www.justinecheri.com/blog/s1-ep5-q-and-a

Books referenced:

Bedtime Bible Story Book for Kids: https://amzn.to/4g3HHVW

WITH by Skye Jethani: https://amzn.to/478Av71

Praying Like Monks, Living Like Fools: https://amzn.to/475n8UW

Bible verses about anger:

Proverbs 14:29 - Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.

Psalm 37:8 - Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil.

Proverbs 15:1 - A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

James 1:20 - For the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

Ephesians 4:26 - Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,

James 1:19 -  Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;

Proverbs 29:11 - A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.

Resources for those who are doubting:

https://www.gotquestions.org/

https://crossexamined.org/

John Lennox: The Reason We Exist and Scientific Proof God Exists - https://youtu.be/DXbcbyqOK60?si=W9csdncq0QzLHixJ

The Reason for God by Tim Keller - https://www.amazon.com/Reason-God-Belief-Age-Skepticism/dp/1594483493

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Download the Go Deeper Guide:

https://justinecheri.ck.page/goingdeeperresourceguide 

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www.instagram.com/justinecheri 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Are you a Calvinist? How do you overcome people-pleasing? Do you ever struggle with anger? I am answering these questions and more in today's episode. But first, if you love this podcast, make sure to leave a five-star rating and review, and don't forget to download my Go Deeper guide linked in the show notes below.

UNKNOWN: 0:18

So

SPEAKER_00: 0:22

Welcome to Going Deeper. Welcome back to Going Deeper. I hope you guys are having a great day today. Okay, so today's book recommendation is super random, but it comes with a really sweet little Godwink story. So it popped into my head when I was thinking about books to share with you guys. Now, this isn't for everybody. This is really just for the parents and really just for the parents of young kids or littles or toddlers or something like that. So back about probably a year ago, One of my friend's moms, who is sort of a mentor in my life, we had visited her house and she had given me this bedtime Bible storybook. It was really old, very vintage, but it was very worn. And it's by Jessie L. I should have gotten the full name. I'll make sure that that's in the show notes. But Yeah, it was a super cool little bedtime storybook. There wasn't a ton of pictures. It was basically like every day of the year, it was a little story that's maybe about like two paragraphs long. And the story is stolen from certain portions of scripture. And my son has been really enjoying reading aloud, like me reading aloud to him. He's getting to that age. And so it's a nice blend between You know, you've got these picture storybook Bibles that are very few words, lots of pictures. And then you obviously have like the Bible. And I like that this bedtime Bible storybook is in between. You know, it's a nice, easy story to tell a young kid and they can really listen and grasp it. But it's still focused on scripture. Well, anyways, it really started to get really worn. And then my daughter got a hold of it and it just got ripped. The front of it got ripped and I was so sad. I was like, man, I'm going to have to tape all this up. Well, anyways, fast forward to today. My neighbor, who we love dearly, she had texted me and she was like, hey, we've got a bunch of stuff that we pulled up from the basement and I wanted to see if you wanted any of it. So me and the kids, we walk on over and she had, you know, different, cool, like a Winnie the Pooh blanket. It was just a bunch of really cute stuff that she let us look through. And she had this stack of Bible storybooks for kids. And one of them was the exact same vintage bedtime Bible storybook by Jesse Owl that we have at our house. It's totally worn. And I was like sad that we were going to have to tape it all up. It was the exact same one. And while it was used, it was not worn. It was still in like really great condition. And I was like, oh my gosh, I'm so... like happy about this. Like we get to use it and it, yeah. So I just felt very seen by the Lord in that. I know that's a very small thing, but it's a big thing in the grand scheme of things because God sees and he likes to do little kind, sweet things like that to let us know that he cares and he loves us and he sees us, you know? So anyways, the Bedtime Bible Storybook, I found it on Amazon. Now, It's not the exact same version that I have because the version I have is like 1989. It's like a more recent updated version, but it's only$3. And yeah, we really enjoyed it. So that is my book recommendation for today. I know that's really random, but the moms or the parents listening of littles might be interested. So anyways. Without further ado, we are just going to dive right into these questions. Also, I wanted this to be a very fluid, very conversational episode. So while I... have taken some notes on these questions I haven't entirely scripted my answers to them so yeah the first question I thought we'd start off with one that's super simple and easy and it's just how are you feeling about being a third time mom yes so some of you know most of you probably know I'm pregnant I'm actually 34 weeks pregnant when I'm recording this holy moly I cannot believe it it I would like to say that it's gone by fast, but it hasn't. Maybe it's because the summer heat has been brutal. It's 96 today and I'm just not here for it. I just, no, I'm not here for it. Hopefully the 90 degree weather is making its way out. I'm very excited for September, very ready for fall, already planning my next Harry Potter movie marathon. But that's besides the point. I have six weeks left now, Lord willing, it's six weeks, because my daughter decided she wanted to stay in the womb for an extra ten days, so we may have seven weeks left. But I am feeling very excited. I actually was on the phone with my father-in-law last night, and he said to me, we were on the phone, the kids were being crazy, I was trying to parent and talk to him at the same time, and he, of course, makes the joke that all... in-laws say was like, and you wanted three. And I'm like, no, I do want three. I said, in fact, I think I would take three toddlers or three kids right now over two while being pregnant in the summer. There is something difficult, so difficult about parenting two little kids while being in your third trimester in the dead of summer. So I'm very much ready to have this baby and step into this new season, this new role. I'm not nervous, but I'm eager and anticipating a lot of change is going to happen, a lot of transition, but I really love the newborn stage. So yeah, I'm excited. That is how I'm feeling so far. We will see come baby time, how I'm feeling by then. And I will make sure to keep you guys updated on that. Okay, the next question is, have you ever struggled with anger? Honestly, truth be told, I felt a little called out with this almost like, do you know me? Yes. Oh my goodness. Holy moly. I would say that anger is something that I really have a hard time overcoming. because it's so I'm I always describe myself in this way I'm somebody who 95% of the time is very even keel until I'm triggered and then I do I would say I have a temper but it's like I would have never said that about myself pre-kids ever like all through college I went fine I I don't think I ever lost my temper in college. I don't remember losing my temper in high school, except for maybe when my brother and I were younger and we would get into fights or be angry with each other. But it was not until I started having children, and especially a boy, two, three, three-year-old boy, they really tempt you. And if you've ever had kids, you know this. They are... They like to bring out the worst in you, and I have been humbled more times than I can count, and my sin has been revealed more times than I would like via parenting a toddler. And that has been, like, if I think about over the past year or two, the times that I've gotten angry... doesn't come to mind with my spouse, doesn't come to mind about Paul, like nothing comes to mind except for examples where I was just sent into a rage, not like a, oh my gosh, abusive rage, but a holy moly, I'm seeing red. How do I snap out of this moment? I need to take a timeout because I'm being screamed at by a three-year-old. And then I'm screaming back at my three-year-old and essentially just teaching him to do the same thing. And what I'm learning in this, Paul David Tripp talks about this in, I think, one of his parenting books, but I'm learning that most of the time I'm disciplining my kids for disobedience, whether it be anger, they're being angry with their sibling, or they're being impatient. I'm responding from a place of anger or impatience. So it's like they're sinning and then I'm sinning and we're just in this cycle of mom is trying to teach the kid how to manage emotions and mom is still learning herself how to manage emotions. That being said, here are a few thoughts that I have as far as this struggle with anger and looking to overcome it because you even asking the question reminds me that this is for sure a struggle it's a conviction that I have it is an area of sin that I would love to overcome so as a mom now I wouldn't say that everybody struggles with anger as a parent but that's this is the only example that I can really give but I the same Like the same solution could be applied, I'd say, to any area of your life where you find yourself getting angry. But scripture memory is absolutely key. And I actually haven't done a good job. I have, in seasons, attempted to memorize scripture on anger, especially when we're really struggling with our oldest, where I have written scripture, specifically Proverbs, about anger, about a gentle response, those sort of things on our whiteboard. But I've never actually gotten to a place where I have fully memorized them. Like, I can't even recite them to you right now. And that's the place that I would like to get to. And I will make sure to include these specific verses in the show notes so that you can reference them yourself. There are about four or five verses that are not long that I have told myself that I've want to memorize so that in the midst of parenting or in the moments where I want to snap per se I can speak those verses aloud to myself and remind myself that you know a harsh word stirs up wrath or whatever that verse is you know and yes so scripture memorization I think is huge and for overcoming most sin, but I think it's very helpful with anger because there are solid verses that speak directly to it. The other thing too, and I feel like you guys might think that I speak on this a lot, but it's because the Bible speaks on it a lot, and I think it's undersold, and that's grace. In parenting, whether... Or just when you're trying to overcome any sort of habitual sin or sin struggle is not allowing yourself to sit in that guilt or that shame, especially as a mom or a parent, when you're dealing with your kids all day long. And you may have a few times in a day, every day, that you struggle to not lose your cool or lose your temper. And that's very real. But allowing yourself... or not allowing yourself, but really leaning into God's grace and not letting the enemy win by you sitting in a bout of shame and guilt and speaking negative things over your life like, oh, I can never overcome this or I'm just an angry person or I just have a bad temper. You know, those are identity statements and you can choose to believe that. And if the more you speak those things over yourself, the more you're going to walk in that truth and And I know that sounds kind of hippy-dippy, but it's not, you know. Romans 12 talks about the renewing of your mind. Be transformed by the renewing of your mind. And renewing of your mind involves speaking to yourself in a certain way and telling yourself certain truths and reciting scripture out loud and replacing thoughts with the truth, replacing lies with the truth. So you could say, yeah, I'm an angry person or yeah, I'm just never going to overcome this or whatever. Or you could say, there's grace to be had. I would like to make a change in this area. I'm going to do, take the steps of memorizing scripture and speaking truth over my life and really work to rely on the Holy Spirit to overcome this area, you know, like all of that stuff. So I hope that was helpful. We will move on to the next question because I probably could rant about it forever and we don't want to do that. Okay, the next question is, how can I pray more? I love this question because I think there are so many tangible and practical steps we can take to pray more. So the first one that comes to my mind is the verse that tells us to pray without ceasing. I used to be really overwhelmed by that verse because it seemed kind of impossible. And what we like to do as humans and Christians is what feels impossible, what feels too daunting to attempt to do, we just put aside. We just put it on the back burner. I will attempt that when I am further along in this process or this journey. And I would really encourage you not to do that because praying without ceasing is more this invitation to do life with God. It's an invitation to bring him with you throughout your day as you go. I love the idea of as you go, as you are doing the dishes, as you are doing the laundry, as Remind yourself and return to a posture of prayer. Now, there are days that I do this way better than others. There are days that I'm on top of it, you know, in my practicing the presence of God, if you will. That's a book. But this is idea of on one level. It's actually here's another book recommendation. You guys, there's a book called With by Skai Jethani. holy moly probably one of the most transformative books i've ever read but he talks about this idea of having a posture or a mentality of doing life with god rather than doing life for god which we should like we we should want to uh glorify god and serve god and do things for him But he predominantly wants us to do life with him. So anyways, praying without ceasing, practicing the presence of God. But in the book, With by Skajathani, that's what I was going to say. He explains it as such. He was like, on one level, you're doing life as normal. You're going about your day. You're doing work. You're doing this. You're doing that. And then on another level, at the same exact time, you are... mindful of God and you are mindful of the Holy Spirit and you recognize that he is right there with you, that you can reach out to him for anything in any moment. So I think how do you pray more is begin practicing this idea of praying without ceasing, not in a legalistic way, but more taking it as an invitation to worship. Do life with God as you go to anything. Anytime something pops in your mind, you pray about it. If you begin to worry, you pray about it. You know, the next thing that I think is helpful is finding prayer pockets. I don't think I made that up. I think I heard that somewhere. But, you know, when you're in the shower, instead of listening to music, use that time to pray when you're on the toilet. Use that time to pray when you're driving in the car and it's only you in the car. Use that time to pray. You know, find these pockets of time where you are undistracted and you have, you know, your hands are busy to pray instead of, you know, scrolling on your phone or stressing about something or overthinking about something. Using that time to pray. And a lot of times what we have to do, it's more about making room for it. Because we're already going to go to the toilet. We're already going to take a shower. We're already going to be in the car. But we have to make that intentional choice to, am I going to spend this time stressing about tomorrow? Or am I going to spend this time praying about somebody that I know needs it? And not perfect in that. The next thing that I would recommend is keeping a prayer journal. I think this is another one of those things that we don't do because we feel... overwhelmed by it or we feel as though it's got to be this whole big thing with stickers and highlighters and coloring pencils and it totally doesn't I think what's so great about a prayer journal is that this is for people who get distracted while praying who feel like if they want to sit down for 10 minutes straight and pray their mind wanders and before you know it you're thinking about that baseball game or those, you know, the election or whatever. Whereas when you are sitting there, pen, paper in hand, and you are physically writing out your prayers, it is a lot easier to stay focused for a long period of time when you're writing. So for me, I think that's like the biggest plus. But I also love the idea of being able to look back, see how the Lord's moved and keep track of things. So it doesn't have to be fancy. literally just get any journal and kind of treat it like a diary. You know, put the date, hey God, and you just start talking to him. And that's a really great way to start praying. The other thing too is praying communally, praying in community. You know, obviously we have church and we pray at church and we have small groups and we pray at small groups, join a Bible study, pray in your Bible study. But get into the habit of praying with other people, praying out loud. Somebody reaches out to you and they're like, hey, just lost my grandmother. Would you please pray for me? Instead of saying yes, send them an audio, pray for them, call them up and say, hey, can I pray over you? Practice praying in community out loud with other people. The other thing, too, that I would recommend is a book by, look at me, I just love reading, y'all. I knew I was going to have more book recommendations for you, but it is Praying Like Monks Living Like Fools by Tyler Statton. I'll make sure to include that in the show notes. Great, great book. I will also include any other books that come to mind on prayer that I've read that have been really helpful for me. Okay, the next question is sort of similar, but it's what are some ways that you notice God throughout the day? I thought this was such a sweet question. I think, honestly, it comes down to having eyes to see and even ears to hear. You know, a lot of times we go through life really quickly, in a hurry, in a rush, or we just don't have the right perspective. Or we're not keeping our eyes fixed on eternity and the bigger picture. And I'll be honest, this is something that actually kind of comes natural to me. And I genuinely think it's because... So I'll say I'm not somebody that's super detail oriented. I am not highly observant. I don't notice little things like I could drive somewhere and not remember how I got there or how to get there again without a map. But I'm a very, very high level thinker. I love a nice, good summary. That's why I love the big picture of this of the Bible, just this beginning to end story of creation and sin and redemption and restoration. Like I love the big picture of the Bible. I love the high level ideas. I love the fact that eternity is a thing that we have a hope. Uh, and one day there will be no tears and there will be you know, we will be living in the glory of the Lord forever. Like, I just love that. So I think I cling, I naturally cling to this idea and it's easy for me to remember the truth of having the perspective of eternity. So I think when it comes to noticing God throughout the day, it's a matter of having the eyes to see him and the perspective to shift your eyes upward when it's very natural and easy to Focus on what's going on right in front of you and get overwhelmed or consumed with what's happening right here, right now, without shifting your gaze. If you can practice having the eyes to see, you're going to look at a sunset and see God. You're going to look at your children and you're going to see God. You're going to look at just any moment and find reasons to be grateful. because of the abundance of grace and mercy and kindness that exists in a day. And I imagine that this is a lot harder in harder seasons, you know, obviously. I think when we're walking through really dark seasons and we have a dark cloud over us or we're struggling with depression or grief, it is way harder for this reality to be true in our lives, for us to see God, for us to see hope, for us to see God. Be grateful and see his kindness. Like, I know that to be true. And yes, I am in a good season right now. I am grateful for it. It's a season of joy and dancing and all the things. But I know I've been through seasons where I have been depressed and I have been anxious and I have grieved, you know, and it is harder. But I think that, yeah, having the right perspective and choosing to practice the gratitude amidst it all is... super, super important. The other last thing that I'll say is yesterday on the way to Bible study, I was listening to our Christian radio station and it was a focus on the family segment where they were interviewing an author and he said some quote that I'd never heard before. And I was like, this is such solid advice. But he said, joy is an informed decision. And I thought there is so much truth to that. Like, yes, we love to think of joy as a feeling. And I know people have said joy is a fruit. It's not a feeling. This is where people have a hard time believing that two things can be true at the same time. Joy is both a feeling and a fruit, right? But joy is also a choice and it's an informed decision. Joy is choosing to dwell on the hope of and the restoration and the good that's going to come amidst the situation. And also, joy can coexist with grief. Joy can coexist with any hard circumstance because of the hope that we have in Christ. And the Holy Spirit can give that to us, but I think it is something that we have to choose. So I think that goes along with the question of seeing God throughout the day, no matter what your circumstances are. being able to dwell on his promises and the truths that we have, the things that we can cling to and rely on amidst our circumstances, no matter what they may look like. So the next question is, how do you resist slash be released from people pleasing? Now, truth be told, I had to sort of Google this. I know that sounds dumb because it should seem pretty obvious, but personally, I'm not somebody who struggles with people-pleasing. So you may think that I shouldn't speak on it, but I wanted to do my best to try and answer the question. So when Googling people-pleasing, I found an article that gave you eight signs you're a people-pleaser. So I'm going to read them off. One, you cannot say no. Two, you feel anxious about others' opinions of you. Three, you never have you time. Four, you feel guilty setting boundaries. Five, you apologize for things you don't need to. Six, you need constant approval. Seven, you generally don't share your feelings with others. Eight, you have low self-esteem. Now, I can't say yes to any of those because... I don't fit the bill of any of those for whatever reason. And I think it's genuinely one of those things where you're either a people pleaser or you're not, naturally speaking. I think all of us to an extent want to please others or we want to appease others, like to an extent. But I think that there are true people pleasers out there. It also said that oftentimes people pleasers are codependent. And it made sense to me because I'm somebody who is extremely independent now. So obviously, I can't speak on the subject from my own personal perspective of like how I've overcome this problem. But I think because I'm the opposite, I'm very independent. I think the opposite of people pleasing is almost like selfishness or a lack of concern for others to thoughts. I don't know. And so it seems to me that you don't want to fall on either side of the spectrum. You don't want to be a people pleaser. And you don't want to be selfish and so independent that you don't care about others. Right? I think one is obviously selfish. And And then the other is you're caring about others and what others think, but not for the right reasons. And when I think about Christ, Christ was extremely others focused. However, how he differs from a people pleaser is his intent or his motivation. So he was very others focused. He was very concerned about other people. But one, it was because he genuinely loved them. He loved them. He cared for them. And then, too, he wanted to please the father. Those were his two driving forces, was that he loved people and he wanted to please the father. And so for me, because... The spectrum or the side that I find myself on is more self-centeredness or me-focused rather than being others-focused. I'm heightened to that. I'm aware of that very much so. And I have been convicted of that many times in my life. And I have to actively and intentionally go against that. I have to actively and intentionally... not be that way. I have to consider others. I have to look to please the Lord. And a lot of times what's pleasing to the Lord is not what Justine wants. Does that make sense? So if you're a people pleaser, it may be that you have to become super aware, hyper aware and intentional about recognizing when you are people pleasing, and then actually doing something about it. Actually kind of stopping yourself in your tracks and taking a moment to think to yourself okay is this coming out of a the wrong place out of the wrong motivation am i doing this out of a genuine love for that person or i'm or am i doing this because i need affirmation or because i don't have a secure identity or for whatever it may be am i doing this out of a genuine love for that person and am i doing this to please the lord i think if we come back to those two things no matter where we find ourselves on the spectrum then we're going to be in a good place because because that is exactly what we see when we look at Christ. Okay, we only have time for a few more questions. The next question is, how do I figure out church denominations? I imagine you are somebody who is looking to try and make a decision about what's the best fit for you. And frankly, I grew up either Baptist, non-denominational, I've been to a Nazarene church. I've been to a Presbyterian church. And they all have different pros and cons and all of those things. I think, one, you have to do your research on the individual denominations because there are some pretty stark differences between And then there are others that don't have that big of differences. And it really just comes down to preference. One example that comes to mind as far as a moment where my husband and I were trying to make a decision. We were in a new area. We had friends who were going to a Church of Christ. I'd never been to that denomination before. Didn't really know what they stood on, what they believed. I went to their website and saw that their... belief statements were really aligned with scripture and everything that I believed. However, I did find out from my friend that they were a no musician, or sorry, no instrument church. They only did vocals. And their reasoning for that was they were wanting to mimic the original church in Acts, the original church that started and they didn't use instruments. They only sang songs with their voice. And personally, I just thought to myself, you know, I am okay with instruments and we see in the Psalms, like praising you with harp and lyre and different things like that, you know? So I just thought to myself, you know, as a preference, I don't think I want to go to a church or with that sort of particular stance or decision. So under the Christian Protestant umbrella, there are tons of denominations, and it's really a matter of just doing your due diligence to find out their belief statements and does their belief statements align with scripture? And then from there, you're looking at more preferential things such as music or attire or baptism. You know, a lot of the times it's secondary matter. Sometimes it's, you know, like You know, in the Presbyterian Church, I know a lot of times there are female pastors. And so where do you stand on that? You know, what do you believe? These are secondary matters. I think for the most part, as long as a church is solid on the primary matters and it's up to you to discern the secondary matters. But for me, I've been to a Baptist, Southern Baptist and a Baptist. I've enjoyed those, but the church we currently go to is actually non-denominational. And we believe in believers baptism. And I just love it. It is so solid. But I would say not every non-denominational church is going to be solid. And so it's a matter of doing your research, not only on the denomination, but on the church itself, attending, trying it out, you know, having a conversation with those who attend the church, people you know who go. And yeah, you have to just try it out. But I also think that we can be too quick to put up walls against certain denominations. And, you know, you see those memes on Instagram where it's like, I think you're going to be surprised at the people you see in heaven, you know, the ones that are wearing, you know, whatever. Like, I think we oftentimes are too disunified simply because of denomination. And that's not really what Christ would want. All right, two questions left. The next question is how to overcome a C I love this question because it tells me that you're seeking and you're searching and you want to overcome your doubt. But I've also been in a season, and deconstruction is totally not the right word here, but in a season of grieving where I was questioning what I believed, not because I didn't believe it, but because I didn't fully understand it. So I think there is a difference between questioning because you don't know if you believe that it's true and questioning because you don't fully understand something and you don't. because of your lack of understanding, you're having a hard time believing it, right? It's very hard to believe something if you don't fully understand it or comprehend the doctrine or theology behind it. So I've been in seasons where both, I've been in seasons where I just felt like I didn't know my Bible. And because of that, there were so many questions I had that were unanswered. And that was a long season where I just deep dived and looked on YouTube and gotquestions.org and all of these good quality Christian resources and tried to find all of the answers to the questions I sought, you know, wise counsel and asked friends who I knew were solid in the faith. And yeah, I just really wanted to have a good understanding. But I've also been in shorter seasons of doubt where I was totally overwhelmed with, do I really believe this? Like, I know this. what I know, but do I believe this? And a lot of it for me, or at least in that short season, it was actually in my first trimester of pregnancy. And I found that a lot of my doubt was very much connected to hormonal changes and emotional and mental health because I wasn't thinking clearly about things. So I do wonder if for other people who are in seasons of doubt, how much mental health plays a factor in that. Because if you're not thinking clearly about things and you're thinking from a highly emotional state, sometimes that can alter, you know, the clarity of our thoughts. But I pressed in. And I think that that's what we have to do through a season of doubt is we have to lean in, press in harder than ever before. And plead for God to increase our faith, plead for God to reveal himself, plead for God to show up, because this is the thing, he will. He is 1000% real. And he is very much alive and active in the world today and in your life. But we see all throughout scripture, where even if you look at the Psalms, if you look at David, where he's like, where are you, God? And not to say that those are him in a season of doubt, but him noticing that he feels the presence of the Lord is lifted from him. And so he's pleading with God in all of these Psalms and utilize those. But yeah, lean in, press in. Don't back up. Don't retreat. Ask the hard questions. Do your due diligence. But most of all, be prayerful about it. Pray and pray and pray and pray. And the Lord will show up. He absolutely will. And the final question is something that I have answered before, but it is a hot topic. And I do think that people genuinely want to know who they're following, where they stand. And I think the one thing... Oh, the question is, are you a Calvinist? I think the one thing that I want to preface this question with is... I think a lot of influencers steer clear from this. They don't want to talk about our Christian influencers. It's just because it's a very sticky secondary. secondary thing like it's a sticky doctrine that seems to upset a lot of people or it seems to confuse a lot of people and you either go gung-ho into it and you're like i'm a calvinist or you're gung-ho against it and so it's like these two really strong sides that are very opinionated towards each other and they have their you know stake in the ground uh And there's like this other group of people that just doesn't want to talk about it and just wants to pretend that it doesn't exist or honestly doesn't find it to be that big of a deal. And I would probably say that I'm in that camp. I just I'm just somebody and I think this does come from the season of doubt and lack of understanding that I went through that I very much have come to a place where I truly believe as Christians we should treat topics like as not taboo. Nothing is off the table. We should be very open-minded and there should be a sense of freedom to discuss topics, like no matter what, whether it be politics and do so from a, like with a peaceful, like peacefully, we should be able to do it peacefully. We should be able to do it logically, you know, base it on scripture, cordially, you know, and just have a discussion about things and it not turn into this big deal. So I'm just, maybe it's just because I'm an over-communicator and I really like to unpack an idea and it not have to be taboo. So maybe you're thinking to yourself, I don't think this is taboo. Well then, awesome, you and I are the same. But I think there's a lot of people that... will fight to the death on this topic. But for those who don't know, super high level, you have a Calvinist and then you have Arminians who are on one side and the other. Calvinists believe in the teaching of John Calvin and essentially Calvinism really focuses on God's sovereignty. So it's a doctrine that emphasizes God's sovereignty, our total depravity, and that God chooses who will be saved unconditionally, and that we don't have any control over it. Like, we're chosen, and that's the end of the story. And then Arminians is the doctrine that's the opposite of Calvinism, that believes that God is sovereign, yes, but we also have human free will. And so therefore we chose God, but God chose us. And oftentimes there is this side of Arminianism that's like, you know, you see all these Bible verses and they talk about, you know, evangelism and us choosing God. And so that's where you get these two sides. But what I believe in the church, the two churches that I, the church that I'm at now and the church that I was at before is And I honestly think what a lot of churches who are not Reformed believe is that in what's called compatibilism. And compatibilism is essentially this understanding that both are true. Like, in a sense, both sides are true. So God is absolutely and supremely sovereign. And we absolutely have free will. And those two things coexist at the same time. It's like two parallel roads that never diverge. And the reason that Calvinism and Arminianism has even emerged is because we have a very finite capacity to wrap our minds around the mysteries of God. And Deuteronomy 29, 29 speaks to this. It says the secret things belong to the Lord, our God, but the things revealed belong to us and our children forever. And I think what seals the deal for me on compatibilism and not having to camp out in one side or the other is the fact that Jesus was both God and man in one at the same exact time. That's a doctrine that nobody argues about. that Jesus was both fully human and fully God at the same time. Two roads that never diverged, like he was never not human, he was never not God. But how is that even possible? How is it even possible for that to happen? And I think the same question could be asked for our salvation. How is it possible that God is fully sovereign and he chose us, but we also have human free will and have a choice, and so we choose him? How does that work? And because you see scripture, you can find a million verses in the Bible that support Calvinism, and you can find a million verses in the Bible that are going to support the Arminian view, and it's because they're both true. Somehow, some way, they're both true. And that is where I'm at. That's where I'm leaving it at. I think, too, what we like to do if we don't fully understand a doctrine is pick a side, camp out somewhere. And instead of being okay to not know something, you know, there are genuine mysteries, you know, like the Trinity. Another doctrine we don't question, but also is a very big mystery, and it's very hard to understand as a human. It's just one that we've fully accepted. So that is all I have for today's episode. I know there were probably a lot more questions that I could have gotten to, but those were all we had time for today. I hope this was encouraging for you. I hope you got something out of it. If you did, make sure to share this with a friend, leave a review. Don't forget to download my Go Deeper guide, all the things. And I will catch up with you guys in next week's episode.